I will attempt to write a series of posts to vent out the feminist in me
It took me several years to arrive at a frightening and peace providing revelation; whatever I become, within the power of God, is governed by two:
My desire and actual work to progress
The level at which much a man allows me of opportunity and space
I can’t have one and grow, I have to have both, both equally important, equally effective. The reason that it took me so long to reach this is because I always believed if I wanted something badly enough…. It will happen! No!! I am not an isolated person, I am first a woman, thereby a man overlooks me, and if that man does not allow me to work… drive, thrive, think, object, even have kids ….. I will not be able to do anything.
And I kept trying, and trying, my friends who had the same background as me, even more repressed version, triumphed and excelled… and I’m fighting the same battles I’ve fought all along. Until one day, I started to compare the complete picture… not only my friends, but also their partners and mine… and then I started to populate that view on every woman I can think of, some women had men who were liberated but they were lazy housewives, miserable or happy… but they just did not do anything to move forward, and there were women who were so motivated, so driven, and were running in their own spots, no matter how much they were able to help other women with their words, they were stuck with a partner who simply didn’t allow them to do what they wanted.
So the only successful cases I had around me, ones I knew personally and ones I read about, are people who had both things.. Personal drive, and supportive (or let’s say open) partner.
I know me, I know my situation, I have the drive, the personal desire to grow, and I act on it. And then there is my partner…
His resistance to change is remarkable, it’s fascinating, I’m just in owe…. Seriously!! We are in USA, the least he can do is dress in jeans, and he would not even do it! He refuses to lift a finger in the house and be involved in the house chores, and cannot see the need to grow thru education, puts so many obstacles on the kids parenting, shuts down adventurous ideas /trips… I mean! Of course I will not reach where I want to reach in this marriage, and yes I must definitely accept that and accept him as idle as he is… to maintain my sanity, and move on to more personal growth I must accept.
There was one time someone made me realize that I have been moving and my husband has been sitting in the same place, and that I should consider this, maybe slow down, and stop even. And give him the room he needs to grow…. But does my growth reduces his? Why do I have to slow down, stop…!! It’s enough he is making obstacles along my way, now I have to stop? What if I stop forever? That’s a possibility knowing the fact he is a lazy man.
This is an article to bash my husband. That is just the way he is, he is a crappy husband, and a good person. That is the most honest powerful statement I can think of to describe him.
This article is to shed the light on how women’s success is hindered by the partner’s flexibility. Not the level of his education, not the level of his religious beliefs…. His flexibility only.