Vyyvaa Planet

Marriage, point of living, changing jobs, and second source money.

Awkward feeling among others

so im in the mosque, our friday gathering here in colorado, and its awful… every friday i feel the same thing, the girls talking to each other about stuff that i have no idea about, and it only tells me one thing: they’ve been meeting over the week, and no one invited me ….

i dont know when will i ever grow up and get over this feeling of non-belonging, i hate why people always put me in this situation, im always finding myself the girl whos fidgeting trying to find a thing to do to avoid the awkwardness of not being involved in the conversation… since i know nothing about it.

im the nicest person in the world, but for some reason, nice doesnt pay any more.



its been along time since i posted, i know its unfair to you my blog that i post out of sadness, and i never told you about the million beautiful things that happened to me over the last few months… but i just had to write it to you.. thank you for listening … and being there for me aw always…

The Woman and the Man


I will attempt to write a series of posts to vent out the feminist in me



It took me several years to arrive at a frightening and peace providing revelation; whatever I become, within the power of God, is governed by two:

My desire and actual work to progress

The level at which much a man allows me of opportunity and space

I can’t have one and grow, I have to have both, both equally important, equally effective. The reason that it took me so long to reach this is because I always believed if I wanted something badly enough…. It will happen!  No!! I am not an isolated person, I am first a woman, thereby a man overlooks me, and if that man does not allow me to work… drive, thrive, think, object, even have kids ….. I will not be able to do anything.

And I kept trying, and trying, my friends who had the same background as me, even more repressed version, triumphed and excelled… and I’m fighting the same battles I’ve fought all along. Until one day, I started to compare the complete picture… not only my friends, but also their partners and mine… and then I started to populate that view on every woman I can think of, some women had men who were liberated but they were lazy housewives, miserable or happy… but they just did not do anything to move forward, and there were women who were so motivated, so driven, and were running in their own spots, no matter how much they were able to help other women with their words, they were stuck with a partner who simply didn’t allow them to do what they wanted.


So the only successful cases I had around me, ones I knew personally and ones I read about, are people who had both things.. Personal drive, and supportive (or let’s say open) partner.

I know me, I know my situation, I have the drive, the personal desire to grow, and I act on it. And then there is my partner…

His resistance to change is remarkable, it’s fascinating, I’m just in owe…. Seriously!! We are in USA, the least he can do is dress in jeans, and he would not even do it! He refuses to lift a finger in the house and be involved in the house chores, and cannot see the need to grow thru education, puts so many obstacles on the kids parenting, shuts down adventurous ideas /trips… I mean! Of course I will not reach where I want to reach in this marriage, and yes I must definitely accept that and accept him as idle as he is… to maintain my sanity, and move on to more personal growth I must accept.

There was one time someone made me realize that I have been moving and my husband has been sitting in the same place, and that I should consider this, maybe slow down, and stop even. And give him the room he needs to grow…. But does my growth reduces his? Why do I have to slow down, stop…!! It’s enough he is making obstacles along my way, now I have to stop? What if I stop forever? That’s a possibility knowing the fact he is a lazy man.

This is an article to bash my husband. That is just the way he is, he is a crappy husband, and a good person. That is the most honest powerful statement I can think of to describe him.

This article is to shed the light on how women’s success is hindered by the partner’s flexibility. Not the level of his education, not the level of his religious beliefs…. His flexibility only.



Walking Straight

Imageas i wrote before, most of the complaints i recieve about me in work is that i am too serious, i sometimes go by zero-tolerance in my tasks, so one of the items i have is committing to an event end of december, and making sure everyone is adhering to the rules. and given we are approaching evaluation time, there is a lot of rug-pulling acts on the table.

today is particulary sad, because i confirmed today one of the people that i thought was righteous and kind, turned out to be a certified hypocrite and self centered. and instead of wining about him for hours/paragraphs. i decided to go to him straight and clear my case, i did, and he greeted me with the happiest of faces and most thankful.

but i know come evaluation time; or just the sight of my back, i will get a stab.

salute for walking straight girl. we’ll see in two months time if your straight walking is giving you the credit you deserve.


Big Issues … Small number of Warriors

since i became maidless i have started to like thursday, it gives me the break i need to sleep and be thorough in my cleaning.

Hajar had a international day in School where every body where’s their country uniform; she wore Msarra7 and Darra3a, i let her hair down, too bad i couldnt get the shoes to go for it, so i let her wear he school shoes.

i’m pretty hungry right now so the way this is going may not be rational. today in the workplace i became certain that one employee i thought was compitant… isn’t, and that is very unfortunate, i was putting my hope where i should’ve put my patience.

and speaking of patience, i recently found out that the hardest kind of patience is patience on people! i’m like below zero in my patience level!!

i’m watching a new series on showtime, its called Missing for Ashley Judd, this one suits her, she’s built for such characters.

what else do i wanna blurt out?

Ibrahim sickness is taking longer than expected, vomiting and diaria; Hajar is talking english more often than i like. and i need to sit her up with a dental appointment real soon.

i’m writing and writing, and the only thing that is hanging in my mind out of the whole day is ‘ admin and technical battle’ when will it e

The December before the next year

what a year 2014 was…. not the best year of my life, not the worst…. i had to come face to face with marital problem frequently, to the point i thought of separation.

marriage is so difficult, i know what lessons i need to learn and i come face to face with them, but oh how difficult are they?

for example acceptance… i need to accept my partner for who he is, but its so difficult, somethings are not easy to accept…

I guess since im coming back to this blog from time to time, i need to capture the year….


this is the year i got a scholarship to study abroad, that was a major turning point, and im very excited for 2015 to start that Journey.

i became obsessively excellent with my job

i had one of the best / worst trips of my life: SF 2014… I LOVE YOU, and i hate hating you for what happened.

this is the year that i lost the friendship of my boss, the good relationship that we had was completely gone with the wind when my relationship with the big boss got better.

i discovered my kids have ADHD, and learnt and still learning how to deal with it

i became very thin… and very fat.

i went to omra and almadina, madina was so pretty and relaxing.

i went to al hasa to visit our extended family, it was a one nighter… loved it

i bought my brother’s share in dad’s house

i invested in my kids artistically

….. im in no writing mode… i’ll try and come back soon my blog.

Thin lines

When you are confronted head on by the opposite product of your charasteric options; you may be in contact with a giant list of traits that you desire and do not enjoy recieving. And to add insult to injury; you opposite product is happily involved. This may not be the insult as it is; but the fact someone else is smarter (or is it luckier?) to get the creme de la creme.
Its easy to start comparing; and this is when thin lines are crossed; possibly hurting people along the way… I say better to just sit on bench while watching superior product and just enjoy the view; work with what you have.

A Love Letter to My Wife . . .

My dear wife,

Yesterday, I received a blank message from you, I felt right away so much in it should have been written, but whatever memory in the phone simply isn’t enough, I totally understand you, I totally understood you from the moment we decided to get married, and the first time we held hands.

The reason that we got married must be the most bizarre reason for any marriage in history, yet I felt right away your passion over flowing, every time I held your hand to walk in the streets of Medina, you were trembling with joy, it seems so difficult for you to learn how to let go of my hand, now after a year of marriage, you are still unable to do it. And I love you for that.

Do you remember the last day just before we came home? I was supposed to go to the airport before you, and we were holding hands so tight, so tight it pierced through my heart, your heart was beating so hard, you could barely breathe it felt you were in a marathon, I felt so strong against your weakness, I didn’t know what to do except to squeeze you in my arms and let my flight go… instead of you.

While it was difficult for me to come to you, I couldn’t not come, I felt the blank message speaking to me, and informing me of how you are, I promised you from the moment I realized you love me that I will never let a day go without our presence together. In a way, it is my fault; I’m the one who made you get used to sleeping with me….

My beautiful, that was difficult I know, I want you to know that I love you so much it is the only meaningful thing that occupies my mind, I love you so much I wish that I don’t waste time sleeping, it’s better spent holding hands with you.

Today is your day, so it’s a happy day, and I’m looking forward to see your pretty eyes smiling, and your lips tremble, your hands shake, your body weakens… I’m so looking forward to conquer you over and over again.

From your husband,

Standing Out

It used to be easy standing out in the crowd, but now.. every one is the same, nothing holds an edge of beauty, power, or modernism…. maybe there is still room for characters to stand out… but who cares about character any more?

its almost 11 p.m., the kids and hubby are asleep, its my favorite time of the day, when i have the house all for my self, and the only thing that bothers me is the clock is still ticking, can’t it just stop for a few hours so i can enjoy and unwind as much as i need? when we spend the whole day running from task to another, from role to role…. and we still feel there are things we missed, and should have taken care of…

Hajar is doing very well, i’m happy about her, she is a smart girl, an obedient one, she is hyper and moves all the time, but that’s just something beyond her control…. Ebraheem on the other hand is enjoying every second of his age, and living it by the book, he has so much of his dad’s character, i also feel he has characteristics from my dad… which i love… i feel he is going to turn out manly, and rough…. but i believe also he will be kind … just like Ot…

Ot is doing great too, very involved with his mosque community now, and without it beyond of negative effect on his character, he still struggles with his sleeping habits, but i’ve come to finally accept this is who he is.. and he too can not help it.

Isn’t serenity a gift? ….. i do love it very much, although i dont know how to deal with it sometimes, but when i do know, it turns out great, i’ve come to also love crafty stuff, and hope through it i will be able to control my impatience… my biggest flaw.


good night

Back to Blogsphere


In an attempt to be more collective, and as a contagious reaction from one of my blogger friends, I am now back to blogging. The thing about blogging really is sometimes i wish to focus on one area, say parenting, but that’s not only me.. maybe i wanna focus about marriage, and that’s not all i have. so i’m back to blogging to blog about my world, i called it vyyvaa world.

last time a blogged is more than a year back.. so lots of things happened since then, yes we haven’t increased our family size, but Hajar has gone from KG to reception to now year 1… Ebrahim has moved from totally chaotic to much more defined strong character…. my love Ot has found a new calling that motivates him to wake up… i moved to a new group at work, which at first sounded like a good idea, but now serves as the worst decision of my life…. at work, i think i’m at survival mode. and i do wish it will change soon. 

since i have no idea where i will begin, and in which areas i will tap into.. i will close this post, and start fresh tomorrow, so long…

That flutter of a feeling

The desire to hug her right now is overwhelming me,

I can’t approach her, yet I can’t ignore her.

For years, she’s been in my memories,

We’ve been married, and divorced

We had kids, and we lost them

We had fights, and we won them

And in all the time that I had her with me,

 she was clingy, and on an over the hours love mode.

Walking into our bedroom was like walking into a love scene…

I wanna be with her right now so badly….