Professional Evaluation .. and more
as we are nearing the fiscal year (ends at march), employees are straightening up their act, coming to work on time.. even a minute earlier or so, doing some work (for a change) and down voluming the chatter between them… we’re supposed to write a paper that summarizes our achievements for the last twelve months, what happened, what did we attend, and what exactly went wrong (if any).
i was about to write mine today, thinking low of my self, already undermining my performance, and juggling the idea of getting a poor evaluation to reality. but i had the recap of my year… and honestly i wasn’t so bad! in-fact, if i was down on some-points, i had little to do with it, there was delay from other people that would’ve only forced me not to complete my tasks. I’ve been involved in three projects, and struggled to enhance them, even with the painful first three months of my pregnancy. i made sure i had a good excuse not to be at work when i wasn’t.
so instead of that gloomy achievement paper i was going to write, I’m presenting a case for as high of an evaluation as i can get… God knows i will need the bonus, coming only one month before my first baby’s due date.
Friends and pseudo friends..
i once wrote about one of my friends being swept away by another new friend.. at the time, i have decided to accept it.. since it is only normal to seek new friends for many reasons (or no reasons at all).. but today i was painfully reminded of how far we have come.. the new friend was bragging at work about a backyard party my friend had, and she was invited to along with other friends, and i had to hear it from someone else… on the next day! even further.. she didnt show up for work, and when i smsed to check on her… she was having breakfast outside with this girl just about to join her… ! i really dont feel negative toward any of them, only i feel improperly defined.. or not defined at all in this case. i’ve been before in situations where my friends changed after getting married.. so i made sure, even went out of my way to never let any of my dear friends feel neglect or drifting from my-side. the shocking thing is.. . my close unmarried friends have all drifted, despite my effort to keep in touch. one of them even apologized for being so distant without giving me a reasonable explanation.
mommy and pregnancy
ever since i got pregnant, especially after the 3rd month, i’ve noticed a new found appreciation coming upon me towards mom.. i simply make up any excuse to visit her.. or no excuse at all, most of the times i wish i can split my day between mom and Ot. i can be there with her during her wake up hours, and be with Ot during his wake up hours.. it doesnt matter if i was a sleep in some of those hours.. only matters that im there for her/him. you know how when you come across this well learnt lesson in life.. that it becomes a fact, a proven theory, and undeniable reality??? well i’ve come across one… its that the only one i can trust is mom.
the only one i can rely on is mom
the only one i can trust is mom
the only one i can depend on is mom
i can’t say the same to any body else, including my husband, not because they are not good, not reliable, or not trust worthy… they just haven’t been through so many tests and passed them… as mom did with my case… she never ever failed me.. its unbelievable, even though i already know i can never repay mom for what she did / is doing, i feel sad and disappointed i won’t be able to! my only consolation is that i constantly remind her of how much she means to me, in acts before words.
its a much publicized thought: one must discover one’s true self.. true desire.. .true calling… or even one’s true talent. i’ve gone through so many self discovery journeys, going from one hobby to another, from one pace of act to another.. i’ve gone with wild friends and acted the same.. i’ve had highly intellectual, wholesome-type correct friends.. and still do… yet i still can’t pinpoint me, one thing is for sure. i’m the fluctuating type, im never always up… im never always down, im never in the same place.. or the same interest, im never the die hard fan of one thing… or the devoted ‘it-brand’ type… i’m the try-all girl.. the know-all learn all, open knowledge unlimited supply of information all welcome type of girl… i’m the kind of girl who would snuggle up to BBC focus as much as i would with Allure special double beauty issue. so is that a self discovery? or i haven’t hit it yet? thats why im not yet on the same ground?
who wants to be in one place forever any ways ? ?