the title um-hajar, and what follows
i am not a very happy person these days. things i learn every day either give me hope or drag me backward. there are things i can control and manage, and there are things i can do nothing more than observe. i am going to write it out.. disordered:
i feel sad for the misjudgement i have got since having hajar, the title um-hajar seems to make alot of people categorize me out of reach for alot of my friends who happen to be single. i once was single, and only God can decide if i will be again, but that doesnt mean i forgot all about singlhood. i still believe in alot of things that i was a part of as a single woman. some how, they think i entered this secert underground married women club, that the language in which single women speak i dont understand… even further since i had hajar, it like confirmed that i am a TYPE-BORING woman. i feel sad, so i am not hip, i dont care about how i look so much, i don’t have taste in clothes.. but i was always like this!! it is simply and humbly not my area of excellence!! i am good in writing, in creativitiy, in therapy speeches if u insist.. i’m good in thrive for new stuff/info. i’m just not that shoe/bag/mlfa3 kind of girl. but i’m still in the whole love idea… i still believe women should fall in love, and learn and learn. i dont believe in sins like sex and intercourse before marriage, i dont believe in this ” i am technically a virgin, but i do it all” kind of attitude. i don’t believe religion should be kept out of the whole thing.. on the side… i don’t believe i should ignore qoran, time of prayer.. i don’t believe my love for my nieces and nephews diminished… i have troubles like every other girl.. married or not, i sometimes see sitcoms and they make comments about men, and i say ” hallelujah”.
i’m still the same girl/woman, i am trying to lose that baby weight but then i am going to be the same girl physically also. hajar didnt come to this world to further me from the ones i love, especially my family. if any thing, she only made me love them more, each and every single one of them, if there is something that my marriage did to me, it made me more corageous, that i wish i single handedly search for mr perfect for my niece. like i’m doing with my brother, except its the opposite sex we are talking.
i’ve asked Ot’s family if he changed since marriage, they had a definite NO, I totally understand its extremely hard to change him, if not impossible, and i either accept it, or fight until i lose the battle. he makes me ache every now and then, but makes me happy more. still, i even want better men for my friends and family. that doesnt mean i love him less, or respect him less, it’s just life. he is my match, and i wouldnt trade him. alot of women who have impossibly irritating husbands would say the same for sure.
they call is 3eshra in the marriage society.
mbarak 3alikom eshahar. i love ramadhan so much, the whole time plan is amazing, the hours are great, the socializing, the qoran reading, salat… tv, family…hajar, my sis coming, cooking old and new dishes.
this ramadhan, we are breaking the fast either in Ot’s family house, or Mom’s. the dishes i made:
2. peanut butter cookies
3. shrimp hot chilly soup indian style
4. Japanese orange sorbet desert
5. creamy mushroom and potato soup.